My baby brother...

It has been a hard week swallowing the news that my baby brother of 19 years has seriously relapsed in his hard fighting sober years of drug using. Hearing the news over the phone and reading the late night emails has brought emotions and thoughts of the horrors that ravage my intermediate and extended family in the last 6 years.

Naturally and for a long time, I was used to these little relapsed as if they were "hic-ups" and a few weeks later, everything would turn out well without much attention or shock to the world that surrounds him. But this relapse incident is no longer an incident, it was bang, a climax, a scene from a big action movie where the audience was unsure what the consequences or what will happen next.

I hated the fact that I heard that we may lose him. He may be going down a short path like Anakin Skywalker when he was seduced to the "Dark Side of the Force". Yes, I know that Darth Vader is the biggest villian ever to be selected in the world of movies but having thoughts of my baby brother turning into such person? It was the hardest feeling I have to take in thinking that I may actually lose my baby brother who I spent most of my dear life being a big brother and his best friend who always cared about him.

I was a big brother who wanted him to be in all the sports teams.I was a big brother who want him to be the best. I was a big brother who had the motivation and compassion to be there like Earl Woods watching his son "Tiger" swing golf balls beating out the competition. Sports such as Basketball, football, hockey, baseball, wrestling, golf, boxing, and every other sport that he could try and excel to the best of his ability.

The thought of failure consumes me like a windy Kansas tornado cloud rapidly covers me from head to toe thinking "What could I have done?"

I love him sooo much that writing this blog entry does brings soft tears running down my cheeks and sliding down my neck while my shaky hands tremble on the keyboard. The emotions and thoughts of the great life that we both used to share flashes back into your mind tries to overcome the reality of the dark side that steered our course in the last 6 years.

Living in Vietnam has not help my situation as I am suffering from an open wound that I expected that sometime would be fully closed and I could return to the days of peace and tranquility that was the driving force of a brotherhood relationship.

My initial reaction was to take a leave of absence from my work and depart for Canada to offer my big brother love to tell him that I am still there in your heart as Scotty who always, always, always will be your big brother regardless. Fighting with the reality of powerless and mental health, this event may not happen for many days to come.