I have started my wonderful holiday-less gut wrenching week wondering what I am going to be doing over the Christmas holidays? What is on my plate? What should I do? Where should I be? Who should I talk with?
Shall I start my quest for selfish deeds and take all the extra money I been saving and just blow it on shopping and buying things to satify my materialist thirst?
I beg to differ...
What an interesting week it has been... busy at work, busy at home trying to seek approval to go back to Canada for Holiday but later found out that it was denied as fast as playing double jeapordy. I honestly thought I would get time off because I have not had a break since July 2004.
"BEEP... thanks for playing" Next question Alex?
But something happened to me in the last few days that really struck my attention. The compassion to care. The compassion to listen to others. The compassion to put yourself out front to help others...
Earlier in the week when I threw a good bye party for Melissa at my apartment, I later found out that all her friends and my friends never felt such a home-warming get together where everyone can sit around the kitchen table and laugh, poke humour in the countries where we come from, eat Indian food (don't ask who did the ordering) and just have a plain o' good time.
On Wednesday, I had a online chat with a close friend who I known for over a year who is very grateful with the support I have given her over the last few months in dealing with her near pregancy, her mother's recent surgery, her ups and downs at university and work and just being her friend when she needs it. When I look back over the time I known her and how much we have gone through, it worth knowing that I can help someone close to me and make a difference in their lives.
On Friday, I had a friend over at my apartment and she was distraught because she does not like the uncertaincy that I will be leaving Vietnam in the summer of 2006. The feelings of being hurt, betrayed are showing because of the time we spend together knowing there could be an ending in our friendship. What can I do? What can I say? What should I do? What should I say?
The one most imporant thing that consumes my energy and brings me down to my knees is living in a community and lifestyle where nothing is stable, nothing is consistant and no one really knows what will happen.
As a teacher buddy of mine from Unis said: "all my relationships have been very shallow because I never know when they will depart me". I just recently found out that he will be leaving UNIS in June 2006.
What can I say? I have already lost some friends and relationships both foreigners and locals and it takes away the sole purpose of living and traveling overseas. My mind becomes and endless machine thinking and calculating my next thought or my next move or my next decision. The hours of sleep no longer becomes a meaniful and deep sleep I once experience in Canada. Everything just changes around you and you have no control of what happens. I struggle looking for stablity, deep and reliable relations but in reality keep hitting brick walls that slowly attack your self confidence for doing anything good in your life.
Well guess what? Knowing that my friend and I were hurt, there was nothing that you can do but give her a hug and kiss on her forhead telling her that the compassion to care is more powerful then any adversities that we face in our daily lives. I told her no matter what happens, you should always love yourself and love others regardless how much tension and hatred we have for each other.
My door is always open...
